"What does not kill you makes you stronger"
- Friedrich Nietzsche
Today (11/28/13)
is being observed as a day for Thanks-giving, especially in the US.
Happy Thanks-giving!
Why should I not
thank a few who have played an indispensable role in my life; who have given me
fitting opportunities to grow (like
those gentlemen whose name I have listed towards the end); have profoundly impacted and propelled me towards
peak performance.
Thanking my
parents could be “overkill” in this context; but yet I am bound to thank them
for letting me grow the way I wanted. No questions asked, nothing needed to be
validated, nothing forced me to be accountable, absolute Freedom, with absolute
trust, pampering love: these are what I grew up with. How blessed am I to have
my wonderful parents who have paid the price for what the society gives to me
these days.
1.
My
Pa and Ma
Pa, though I
strongly feel the current very frequently that you are still with me; I feel
that you are enabling success, reputation, admiration, growth, and recognition
glide towards me through how you have trained / sculpted me. The mental,
physical exercises you subjected me to, in my very tender age, anecdotes,
incidents, events, situational analysis, your war experiences, the problems you
faced in your platoon, mock-drills that you put me on, the tradecraft you put me through, the
encouragement you would give me, when I would say that I need to enroll on
Karate School, the love you would show by travelling all the way for about 25
KMs on all possible days from our home to the Karate School escorting me (oh
yes, you had been so protective of all in our family; and especially of me. I
still feel your watch-over me for my safety in all the places we spent time
together). There are no measures to weigh the trust, leadership role you gave
me to play out in our family. You gave me the throne in our family to make
final decisions and you bound by it with absolute trust in what you were making
your own son of.
Pa, I recall the
event with my eyes brimmed with tears when we both burst into tears on getting
my direct question to you when I was 29 years old, “Is this the amount of love
you give to me Pa? Do you have any idea of how much I love you?” You cried and
reaffirmed the fact yet again that I had been the center of your life.
Though I am 32
now, and it is almost 2 years - not of your death but of me not listening to
your spoken words; always “few words” with hidden wisdom. I just cannot go on.
Life seems to be NULL without you. I would account to you only bits and pieces
of the insurmountable hurdles I might have faced on any endeavor and how I emerged
to be a winner. During such love-filled talks, I have seen your face getting
permeated in glory and you would say “like father, like son”. Maybe during
those years, I did not want you to feel egotistic filled with self-pride that
you have got a one-of-kind-of-son.
But today, though
I feel like sharing every aspect of each things that I do (which people end up
concluding as colossal and humanly not possible ) in vivid description; but you
are not with me. I could not talk to you. I could only pulsate my emotions
towards you. Only I know what it takes me to forget the pains of having lost
the most cherished person (you) in my life but still had to get on with what
life has in store for me. Oh well, I have the one who bore me in her womb, whom
you loved so intensely. I am trying to give all that no son would ever have
given to his mom, anywhere in this Universe, Period. I know Ma gets exuberantly
proud to have her son getting complimented in her native place, or wherever she
goes.
I know how to make her feel proud to have borne me and fed me. I am just
onto it. Maybe this one reason, besides the reasons to yield returns to the
investments made onto to me, by my Guru, I still want to carry my body. Else, I
prefer feeling alive with you after throwing my body down. You gotta to wait.
Every time, I visit the place where I made rest finally, I feel that I have
less time to do a lot so that I would comfortably reunify myself with you.
Ma, though you do
not know to read English, you read my thoughts correctly, always. If I ever
have made an impact on the people around me, it is coz I learnt what
unconditional love is, from you. Only from you, Ma.
People have gone
crazy with just the way I treat, teach, train, and transform them. Individually
one might have wondered, as to how I could exercise so much of “power” over
their mind, behavior and overall personality of others. You gave me the recipe
to actualize such, right from my tender age. Until I am alive, I will continue
to treat you as my baby and offset the imbalance that arose due to my
independent living for more than a decade now. Besides, if Pa were alive, he
also would want me to love you the way he loves me.
Ma, very
recently I resolved to myself that whatever growth that I need to attain, I
will get on there and make you witness it. I will glance through the glory and
self-esteem emanating from your face that Pa used to reveal; by delving on the
thoughts that you have gifted this world by bringing forth your only son (who
also is regarded as the only male heir of an aristocratic generation in the
native place, of around 50 members, with the seniors either being wealthy and
benefactors or have had the pride of serving in the Armed Forces right from the
Indo-British Army era).
Pa and Ma, I
thank you both for the “distinct” genes both you made me inherit; that evolve in
me for almost 32 Years now. I promise you both not that I will make greater fortune,
amass wealth and die being very rich. That might or might not happen (oh well, you
both never taught me that these are more important in life. Neither did I pick
up those on my own, from this beautiful world filled with many materialists and
opportunists). Instead, I promise you both that I will continue to touch human
beings and would be the cause for their growth, empowerment, and get them out
of all their bondages (both self-made and systems-made).
2.
Fr. Maria Lawrence SDB.
Father, you
ended up to be both my Pa and Ma during the stage in my teen life when I had
most likely put up a wall distancing my Parents.
I know you are
at Rome now pursuing your PhD ( Your society knows well that you are the best
man for most of the missions. As such, you ended up to be their choice to go
Rome and pursue a PhD).
For close to 5
years, I have shut myself and did not show up to you. Do you actually know the
reason? I was not productive. I might have been successful. But I had not been
productive in commensuration with the investments you have made in me. Though
the financial investments through aids and through a Job Offer at Bosco
InfoTech Pvt Ltd; were limited, the emotional and spiritual investments that
you had been making are at least in par with what a mother gives to the embryo
in her womb, what she would give to the child until the child has grown well.
Doubtlessly I am
a Salesians’ Product. Salesians’ ideologies are running deep inside me, in
conjunction with Jesuits’ ideologies (as I have been with them for at least 15
years now). Father, my parents created me. Maybe they brought me up well too.
But right from my 17 Years of age, you had been my Guru (and the only Guru,
till date. I could not look up to anybody else as my Guru, other than you. Maybe,
I have admired many qualities in them.)
Father, where
has not been your contribution in my life?
Everywhere. Just
in all aspects of my personality. If people still find me ‘distinctly
different, strikingly sophisticated, and vehemently versatile’ it is only
because of my parents, and you.
Maybe, I just
was a talented lad when you first came into my life as the Catechism
coordinator in the parish.
When I gave you
back Rs.800 the exam fee amount that I got from you, in 1999, the amount which I did not have to pay immediately
(as I started to be on my own not depending on my parents and not begging for
money from others), you did not succumb to my compulsion. I remember you saying
“I gave that out of my Pocket-expenses that I get from the congregation.
Similarly, when you grow-up sacrifice yours and help others”. Father, I still
sacrifice my pleasures and help the ones that most deserve my help.
I do not know
whether you remember. I do. Almost all that you have said. Those teachings,
trainings have gotten into my DNA. After finishing our discussion with the MD
of Sri Sai Sathya Info Tech Pvt. Ltd, in 2001, I had to give you a drop in my
bike, back to the office.
On that
particular day, I stopped a few feet farther away from the stop-line in the
Greams Road Signal. You gently asked, “Why are you going beyond the stop-line?
Know to play the game by the books”.
Father ever
since, 99.9999%, I stop all my vehicles (whether bike or car) well within the
stop-line. Coz, I would hear your voice and would not refute your directions.
I remember you
teaching me how to use cutleries and how to dine amidst the elite. It was in
the provincial house and the time was early morning. Like my parents, you
reaffirmed that I am someone a class apart from others. Had I been such a guy?
I do not know. But you treated me as your own son. You taught me all I could
grow with.
I learnt to ride
the bike from you (do you remember your 32 mins ride from Poonamallee Seminary
to our Parish, covering 25 KMs distance; back in 2000.) You used to teach me the details of best
biking upon my pestering (especially after I had bruises with one stupid friend
who almost got me killed in a two-wheeler accident in 2000).
Father, you know
what? Those skills have flamboyantly grown in me. I wish you see how I used to
ride my ‘stepped up’ Bike and the 1.8 Liter ‘diesel-drinking beast staying
unbelievably stoic even when sustaining at 130 KMPH and covering a distance of
175 KMs within 2 hours ’. You would approve what people think of, and say.
You were the one
first getting a DOS screen up for me to get the hang of what computers are. You
laughed with me on seeing me type crap, on the display. Later, you taught me some
MS DOS commands. From that seed, I have grown to steal the show in
International / National Conferences on Advances and Research trends in Computer
Science and Applications. Kudos to you, for transforming me.
When you were ordained,
someone gifted you with a very costly T-Shirt, with many gifts also being clothing
items. You gave that costly T-Shirt to
me, saying that it would suit my styling and skin-tone. You were never for
false-pride. I remember you always preferring causal slippers (but you would
look cool when you dress up formally for business meetings). I learnt austerity
(in areas where it is needed) too, from you.
After Grade 12,
you roped me in as just Sunday Catechism School Volunteer. Within few years,
you took pride in me growing to be one of the core-animators of the Sunday
Catechism School Program. You taught me the qualities that even the most grown
up would respect me for. I remember my Grade 8 teacher, Mr. Antonius would
introduce me to everyone around him on Sundays in our church declaring that I
was his student and how he saw me grow up. All such recognition, reverence from
parishners I got because of you.
You made me a
Marketing and Production Executive and later wanted me to soil my hands with
Software Development, Quality Assurance, Delivery and Account Management, and
literally every operation. Father, today I play a different game at different
arena. I still remember the thought-provking discussion we had on “Matrix
Management of Transnational Business”. I could learn Biz Development Plan Formulation
for service providers in various industries, Negotiations, Conflict Management,
Hiring Resources, Motivating them, Reward, Retain them, Business Proposal
Writing, Tech-Documentation even on the areas that are nascent and catching up
like Mobility, Middleware etc., from you when I was just 20. Today I am game
for all, when it comes to business ventures. It is very instrumentally because
of you.
The best way I
would thank you is through leading a life that makes a difference in others’
lives, without expecting anything in return; as you had touched my life.
I hope to meet
up with you soon. Not just for some talks… I have something on the cards.
Remember the investments you have made. It is fitting on my part to yield the
returns to the society. I am almost there, I will cling on to your hands once
again, like the same young teenager and would want to do something meaningful
to the neediest. I hope your hands could accommodate me…
Thank you
Father.
3.
Mr. Joseph Irudhayaraj
Anna, I got hit
several times when I had lost my resources (time, money, reputation,
intellectual capacities, growth opportunities) by reaching out to the wrong-ones.
Who cares? It
was you who taught me the spiritual value of making someone smile even if it
means a loss.
One phone call
with a compelling request for arranging some cash to pay for my BBA course fee
(which I discontinued by losing Rs.6000/ and cleverly reclaimed my B.Com forfeited
admission through merit at Loyola). I called you up and made a request by assuring
the repayment of the amount Rs.3000 within one week’s time; You were at a
different office then. You asked your friend and instructed him to handover
Rs.5000 to me. One week later, you did not even accept that when I tried to pay
back Rs.5000.
On that day
during the last week of May, 1998, I decided to make people cry; and shed tears
uncontrollably. Coz it was the case with me. I realized how a helping hand
without expecting anything in return; could influence someone flowing with so
much of adrenaline energy. I do not know, how many I have influenced the way
you did. But I assure you that I will be serious about spreading the spark that
you gave me.
While walking
casually near Lourdes Convent, I told you my plan of taking up a Basic Computer
course at our parish, during the summer vacation in 1999. You immediately took
your wallet out and forced me to accept Rs.1000 – the course fee. I rebelled that
I just wanted to share the plan for my summer vacation and that I would manage
to pay the fee through some job, back there in 1999. You persisted and wanted
me to accept that cash. I remember you saying that I could use any extra cash
that I generate to get some good dresses.
I paid that
Rs.1000/- and completed the course topnotch, superseding all others. Rev.Fr.
John Alex PhD., SDB; allowed to continue the course and complete my PGDCA one year
before I could join my MCA Programme.
I think that
extra-edge is still felt in all my IT –related assignments. In a way, I owe much
to you.
Thank you Anna.
I must also
profusely thank the following in clergy, who have played a deeper role in
molding my personality
1. Most.Rev.Dr. Soundararaju Periyanayagam,
SDB – Bishop of Vellore
2. Rev. Fr. Dr. John Alex, PhD SDB (Formerly
Faculty – LIBA)
3. Rev. Fr. John Dharman, SDB
4. Rev. Fr. Arockiaraj, SDB
5. Rev. Fr. Amalamanickam, SDB
6. Rev.Fr. L.X Jerome, SJ (Former Rector,
Vice Principal, Dean of Sciences at Loyola College)
7. Rev.Fr. Peter Xavier, SJ (Former
Secretary, Vice Principal, HOD of Commerce Dept. at Loyola College)
8. Rev.Fr. Dr. Joseph Xavier, SJ (Former
Principal of Loyola College)
9. Rev.Fr.
Lourdu Samy SDB ( He has
been my friend since Grade 1, making me grow in multiple avenues)
10. Rev. Sr. Veronica (Former Principal of
St. Anne’s Girls Higher Sec. School, Vellore)
11. Rev.Sr. Das Navis Princy
The following
eminent persons have contributed immensely for my spiritual, moral, social and
intellectual formation
12. Mrs.
Nesamani (my Parish’s
Former Catechism Coordinator and a Teacher in Don Bosco School)
13. Mr.
Ashiq Ahmed ( Formerly
Director with an MNC IT Resourcing Company – Currently Senior Manager /
Practice Head of Strategic Alliances and IT Resourcing with a CMMi Level 4 MNC.
Being like my elder brother, he taught me so many things and gave me the
freedom to even get into arguments with him)
14. Mrs. Francina (my Grade 1, teacher who
still takes pride in whom I have become. Next to my mother, I saw her as my own
mother right from age 6. She would show her warmth by hugging me, and kissing
me on my forehead, blessing me even in my late 20s).
15. Mr. Antonius (my Sunday Catechism teacher
and Grade 8 Class teacher at Don Bosco School. He loved me so much and would
visit me at home after getting discharged, when I was hospitalized twice during
my Grade 8 academic year)
16. Mr. Shelladurai (Formerly Head – Training
Division with Cognizant Tech Solutions; my beloved HOD, when I was hooked up to
my MCA Course at Loyola)
17. Mr. Benette (Founder of one of
Tamilnadu’s leading Package Travel and Tour Operators)
18. Mr. Britto (Managing Partner of one of
Tamilnadu’s leading Package Travel and Tour Operators)
19. Mr. Ravi Venugopal (Senior Oracle
Consultant, Founder of several IT
companies in Michigan, USA / Entrepreneur, Contributor to several social
causes)
20. Mr. T.Gaur (Formerly VP at AOL, and
Program Manager at Microsoft, Angel Investor, Technology Enthusiast, Founder of
state-of-the-art, Next-gen IT Companies)
21. Mr. M.Kumar (Founder / Managing Director
of a privately held IT Company in Chennai)
22. Mr.
Cassian (Marketing
Manager of a reputed Package Tour operator. My thickest friend for more than 20
years. Both of us, used to take the other for granted. Now decades have passed.
We end up asking each other’s permission to talk even for few minutes.)
23. Mr. Ramesh Sekar (my learned friend
during the past two years. Learnt immensely from him .Very gentle. Ask him anything
he knows, he will readily share. I really get inspiration from him to be a good
teacher sharing all my knowledge without expecting anything in return.)
24. Mr. Solomon Rajkumar (my humble friend, during
the past two years. Disagreed with him on several occasions with arguments. But
learnt a lot from him, how he treats others with respect. Approach him for any
doable help. One big smile. By the time he finishes smiling, he must have completed
your request. Learnt tonnes from him, especially about nurturing our loved
ones.)
25. To
all my students / trainees
/ Clients; regardless of the nature of the acquaintances I have had with you in
the past; you all had fueled my growth.
26. Most important aspect of my
thanks-giving.
Thanks a Zillion to those who were / are
around me and have attempted to break me into pieces. Oh well, you could only do things that
have blocked my growth temporarily and broke my tears down. You (guys) have no
idea of what my trainings have been and what I am of internally.
The
trainings…..starting from someone, whom I know to be one among very few to stay
agile, focused, strengthened no matter how many steroids docs prescribed him
and how many years he had to consume such pills, even when he was almost 70
years old. Man of strategies and he would get a Peregrine Falcon’s view on
anything. He was my first trainer. Still he is the best trainer I have had and
would never have anyone like him. He is none other than my own Father.
(As a
coincidence Mr. George Williams, an HR Manger previously with RWS Inc.,
Chennai, had to give me that adjective that I am a “man of strategies” on
seeing me sweep through different levels of Interviews spanning 3 hours in a
row; for a Managerial position and completing a puzzle / game (to determine the candidate’s attitude, mental agility, ability to work under high
pressure, problem solving approach, staying focused even when there would not be
even 1% hope to solve the problem at hand) in just 30 mins, which other candidates
could not solve even after trying it for 180 mins. On seeing me complete the
game in 30 mins, Mr. Williams accepted that he himself could not crack the game
even after trying for long hours for 3 full days and that he expected me to
complete it just in 10 mins as he was witnessing my own way to zero-in the
answers for Aptitude Questions. He wondered why someone of my stature took more
than 10 mins to crack the puzzle / game. I remember telling him that I could
have done that in 10 mins had I not slept in-between playing the game due to
sleep and food deprivation for 48 hours preceding that interview)
Trainings from
my Guru who helped me flex my spiritual and psychological muscles so well that
I could just get to wherever I want to go and what I whatever to get, by
outperforming my competition even without proving much about me, and with just few
words in a casual conversation where deliberations might be required.
(Mr. Ranjith
Jose, my immediate senior in NCC - Navy, All India Best Cadet Award Winner - of
BA Sociology 1997-2000 Batch from Loyola College; concluded saying that I am
someone who could make people feel inferior by just talking to them and
eventually psychologically make them feel weak to steal the show. It was in the
year 1999 during my NCC life when I literally played solo in life. Today if
someone visits my home, they might end-up asking whether I have bought stock
for a mini- showroom for footwear. But back in 1999, I could not even afford few
bucks for Boot Polish. The effect of playing solo in life was such. My life was as much difficult as an orphan
with abundant talents would find it to be. With just those talents, I started
to build on my life).
So…. I am not
dead and gone and that I am not someone who would just give up things when I
could not do things. I give up things when I am done with them.
Thanks to you all too guys for making me
lose my initial financial riches, high-ranking positions, recognition.
I remember how Job (from Old Testament) lost all for Almighty’s glory and he had been bountifully blessed once
Satan could not win Job over. Job’s trust in the Lord Almighty was undeterred
regardless of what were taken away from him and regardless of who abandoned
him.
I am back into
the game after almost 9 years, by just not banking on what my strengths are but
just by trusting God and surrendering myself absolutely to His Plans and doing
everything for His Greater Glory….
Will blog again
as to what the game that I am back into, has been….
